


Setting the Scene

by babblebum (mypetrock)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Crack af, Epistolary, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Other, Texting, Theatre, also comment ur shit bc i am a needy trash can full of feelings who needs validation, bromance af, chan is a little shit, divaboo is the air i breathe, hoshi is lowkey a hoe for woozi, i deal exclusively in wishful thinking, karaoke nights, lolol its fine who needs facts, seriously dont come here for deep shit, seungcheol has no idea what he's doing, they're all theatre students which is funny bc i know nothing about theatre, u have been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-13 21:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypetrock/pseuds/babblebum
Summary: Gather round children for ye olde theatre au chat fic.





	1. the gayification of choi seungcheol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol's porn history says a lot. Seungkwan proves his math skills. Jisoo makes a friend. Soonyoung is exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things nobody needed:  
> \- another goddamn chat fic
> 
> Things I did anyway:  
> \- another goddamn chat fic

**Group Chat: dem vibes ft. beyoncé** **ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪**

 **mingcute:** you guys

 **mingcute:** you guys

 **mingcute:** you guyS

 **wonwon’t:** whatever it is the answer is no

 **scoopydoo:** pls dont

 **songkwan:** pls do

 **scoopydoo:** have mercy

 **vernburn:** what seungkwan hyung said

 **songkwan:** *high five*

 **mingcute:** cheol hyung caught the feels guys

 **mingcute:** for a SENIOR

 **songkwan:** BOI

 **mingcute:** an actual quote: “so pretty wtf”

**scoopydoo:**

**mingcute:** he can’t stop staring at this guy like this is excessive

 **mingcute:** his notes are blank and his heart is soft

 **scoopydoo:** CAN I NOT ACKENOWLFCG BEAUTY WTHOUT BEING ATTACKD

 **mingcute:** NO

 **songkwan:** hansolie is tryna look chill but I cn feel his gaydar whirrng

 **vernburn:** my chill is real but u rite my spidey senses r tinglingg

 **mingcute:** the guy just took hjs beanie off and gE HAZ LOONG HAIR HYUNG IS SHOoK

 **scoopydoo:** HALP

 **scoopydoo:** its pINK

 **songkwan:** behold the gayification of choi seungcheol

 **mingcute:** *breaks out Kinky Boots memorabila*

 **vernburn:** yall when kwan squad inc finds out about dis shit

 **songkwan:** pls child the set kids are gonna be the ones firing up the rainbows

 **songkwan:** esp Jun

 **songkwan:** god has neve rmade a gayer soul

 **mingcute:** tru but we talkin bout hyungs gay soul

 **scoopydoo:** …

 **scoopydoo:** can't even look at a guy witojt you assshits sayin stuff

 **wonwon’t:** im not sayin stuff

 **scoopydoo:** u thinking it

 **wonwon’t:** …

 **wonwon’t:** u rite

 **mingcute:** jus like u thinking bout dat boi in the 2nd row

 **songkwan:** ^^^ thingign bout grabbing dat pink hair

 **wonwon’t:** this convo is about to take a turn O.o

 **vernburn:** p sure seungcheol hyung has a thing 4 long hair

 **vernburn:** if his porn histor yis anytng to go by

 **songkwan:** eXPOSED

 **wonwon’t:** how will i ever clean up all this spilt tea

 **scoopydoo:** WHY WERE U LOOKNG AT MYY POR N

 **vernburn:** pornspo duh

 **scoopydoo:**...

 **scoopydoo:** u r all sinners and im telling jesus

 **mingcute:** *jisoo

 

**Group Chat: Kwan Squad yasssssh**

**kwanqueen:** its come to hte point where i cnt tell if hansol is a human or an actaual adidas shoe

 **DorK:** wait is ths ur friend wit the jaw

 **kwanqueen:** ya dats him

 **DorK:** ohh hes hot

 **woozipit:** no he's not an adidas shoe

 **woozipit:** i’m thinking vans

 **kwanqueen:** … u rite

 **jisoft:** hey whts wrong w vans

 **kwanqueen:** ...nothing sweetie

 **DorK:** anyway he colud be a fkng birkenstockk n ud still be gone on hjm

 **kwanqueen:** idk wat ur saying no one here is gone af all

 **woozipit:** this metaphor is going to a weird foot fetish place and I object

 **jisoft:** I'm w jihoon

 **DorK:** im w the queen

 **kwanqueen:** majority rule bitchess

 **woozipit:** thats an even number dipshit

 **woozipit:** do you even math bro

 **kwanqueen:** 2+2=fuck you

 **kwanqueen:** kwantify me mothafukcas

 **jisoft:** pls cease tge savage

 **DorK:** dis went from vans to math burns real wuick n i wasny resdy

 **woozipit:** i cant handle this group chat. why do i suffer through this friendship.

 **kwanqueen:** bc were the only 1s who know ur sercrets

 **woozipit:** what secrets

 **woozipit:** i have no secrets

 **woozipit:** i am made of stone and sarcasm

 **DorK:** n also denial

 **woozipit:** brb watching how to get away with murder for tips

 **jisoft:** btw i made a frien d

 **woozipit:** is it jesus

**jisoft:**

**jisoft:**

**jisoft:** why an i friends w u peopel

 **kwanqueen:** i honstly cohldnt say

 **DorK:** ok yougn blossom tell us abt ur frjend

 **jisoft:** ok well hes q theatre major obv

 **jisoft:** i met him jn the cafe n his ringtine was hte song frm mulan n so we bonded

 **jisoft:** hes super nice i thinn ud like him

 **jisoft:** his name is jeonghan

 **woozipit:** i dont remember jeonghan being one of the disciples

 **jisoft:** IVE HAD JUST ABT ENOUGH OF DIS ABUSE

 **kwanqueen:** throw skme math at him n he’ll stfu

 **woozipit:** you wanna take this outside

 **DorK:** SAY YOUR SORRY KWAN DKNT MAKE MY MISTAKE

 **kwanqueen:** sHIT IM SORrY

 **woozipit:** i’ll consider sparing you

 **jisoft:** AHEM

 **jisoft:** as i was sayjng

 **jisoft:** jeonghan is supef funny n i think ud likd him so i invitef him to our karaoke nite this week

 **kwanqueen:** WAT

 **DorK:** KARAOKE NITE ID SACRED

 **woozipit:** idk it might be nice to have some real competition for once

 **jisoft:** i jst talked u guys out of an argument wHY R U STARTING ANOTHER INE

 **kwanqueen:** hOLD My WIG JISOO

 **DorK:** I’LL SEE U ON THE STAGE BITCH

**jisoft:**

****

 

**Group Chat: dirty dirty jam jam**

**jawrassic:** hyung

 **junhuibug:** wat

 **haody:** wat

 **hoeshi:** wat

 **hoeshi:** wait

 **junhuibug:** wait

 **haody:** we keep falling into this trap

 **jawrassic:** dats bc ur all ma bitches

 **hoeshi:** the dISRESPECT

 **junhuibug:** well escuse the shit outta me

 **haody:** u just had to pick the cute little freshman didnt u soonyoung hyung

 **hoeshi:** HE DANCED TO PYT WAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DK

 **haody:** RUN TF AWAY

 **junhuibug:** his PYT dance is legendd tho

 **jawrassic:** bEHOLD A LOYAL SERVANT

 **junhuibug:** y did i say dat

 **junhuibug:** y did i giv him s o much power

 **jawrassic:** its ok hyung ur just givjng facts wikipedia wud br proud

 **haody:** jun what have u dine

 **jawrassic:** but aslo on tbe subbect of facts

 **jawrassic:** r we not ginna talk abt the thing

 **junhuibug:** …

 **haody:** ur gonna have to be more sprciifcv

 **hoeshi:** what in hte fresh hell id dat word

 **haody:** its swedish for fuck off

 **jawrassic:** aS I WASS SAYIGB

 **jawrassic:** hyung i knw ur secret

 **junhuibug:** WAT

 **hoeshi:** WAT

 **haody:** WAT

 **haody:** DAMMIT

 **jawrassic:** musgafafa

 **jawrassic:** wow mh evil laygh text went so wrogn

 **jawrassic:** sngway

 **jawrassic:** soonyoung hyung i knowwww abt ur secreeet

 **junhuibug:** do i smell tea

 **hoeshi:** child what tea there is no tea

 **jawrassic:** ill giv u a hibt

 **jawrassic:** it starts wt a k

 **jawrassic:** n ends wt an araoke

 **junhuibug:** HE ATCUALLY DID ITT?$?!

 **hoeshi:** araoke

 **hoeshi:** karaoke

 **hoeshi:** FUVK

 **jawrassic:** its ok hyugn weve all been therf

 **hoeshi:** u dONT UNDERATABD

 **haody:** im so confuaed

 **haody:** hyung does karaoke??

 **junhuibug:** no

 **junhuibug:** jihoon does karaoke

 **haody:** U DISNT HYUNG

 **hoeshi:** ok bug in my defense

 **junhuibug:** WAT DEFNESE

 **junhuibug:** TGERE IS NO DEFENSE

 **junhuibug:** U SERENDADED HIM IN SING IT OR WING IT

 **haody:** liteeraly hes tuened u down so many times arleady

 **haody:** y do u di this to urself

 **jawrassic:** exsctly

 **jawrassic:** boy is straiggt

 **hoeshi:** i

 **hoeshi:** …

 **haody:** no but dont be sad

 **hoeshi:** im not sad

 **junhuibug:** fuck thats exactly what a sad person wld sya

 **jawrassic:** aw hyug n im sorry ee didnt mean it

 **hoeshi:** no its fine

 **hoeshi:** ur rite

 **haody:** no but hyu ng ur sad now

 **hoeshi:** no im not

 **jawrassic:** if it helps ur ma favorite bitch

**hoeshi:**

**hoeshi:** now i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is @donghaemorelikedongbae. Come to me children.


	2. jihoon the lonely divorcée

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan tells better jokes than Kwan Squad apparently. Soonyoung comes up with an idea for a play.

**Group Chat: Kwan Squad yasssssh**

**woozipit:** is there i reason i’m sitting here in sing it or wing it alone or

**DorK:** bus dricers dont undedsgand that yellow means hurry tf up thats why

**kwanqueen:** jisoo had to stop n picj up hid bible study froend so im waitjng in the lou nge lik a nerd

**jisoft:** neve fhave i ever studied hte bible w jisoo or anyonee else

**DorK:** lies

**woozipit:** wait

**kwanqueen:** hold up

**DorK:** WAIT

**woozipit:** who tf are you

**jisoft:** jeonghan

**jisoft:** oh yeah hi btw nic eto meet u

**jisoft:** we’ll b there in like 5 min seungjwan jisoo is apparenlty a grandma driver

**woozipit:** thats an insult to grandmas

**kwanqueen:** jisoo ily but kwan squad is a sacref thing

**DorK:** yeah wat if dis guy steals all our jokes

**jisoft:** dnt worry ur jokes r safe mine r way better

**DorK:** YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE

**kwanqueen:**

****

**woozipit:** ok i like this kid

**jisoft:** (* ^ ω ^)

**kwanqueen:** u better be ready 2 lay down some sick pubchlines when u get here kid

**kwanqueen:** its judgment day fr ur jokes

**jisoft:** i knw for a fact that im okder than all of u but is ok hyung forgivse u

**DorK:** da nerve of dis kid

 

**Group Chat: dem vibes ft. beyoncé ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪**

**scoopydoo:** ok chuldren

**scoopydoo:** who fucked w ma sound system

**scoopydoo:** speak now or sufferr

**wonwon’t:** not me

**mingcute:** no tme

**vernburn:** not me

**songkwan:** nott me

**scoopydoo:** name names n i’ll buy u chicken

**wonwon’t:** it was definitely 100% without a doubt mingyu

**mingcute:** hYUNG NO

**scoopydoo:** CHILD

**scoopydoo:** YOU BETTER GET UR SHIT ON A PLANE TO A DESERTED ISLAND BC EHEN I FIND U ITS D DAY

**mingcute:** HYUNGG PLS

**scoopydoo:** WHERE IS DA MUSIC COMING FRM

**scoopydoo:** IVE BEEN LISYENING TO DA SPICE GIRLS FR 2 HOURS

**mingcute:** UM

**scoopydoo:** MINGUYU

**mingcute:** sHIT I CAnT REMEMEMBER

**mingcute:** I HEARDF HTE TACO TRUCJ COMING WhEN I WAS PLUGGJNG IT IN N I GOT DISTRAXTED

**scoopydoo:** MONGYU

**scoopydoo:** KINGYU

**scoopydoo:** KIM MINGYUU GET BACK HEREE

**scoopydoo:** MINYGUGYU AWEUSKWHF

**songkwan:** childrne shhh im trying tk concentrste on walkign down da staird

**vernburn:** arent u supposer to b at karatoek night

**wonwon’t:** hansol your spelling is getting physically painful

**vernburn:** ur face id getting pgysically painful

**wonwon’t:** i crave the sweet release of death

**wonwon’t:** hyung i’ll come help i’m still in the lobby

**scoopydoo:** THIS IS WHT GOODNESS LOOKS LIEK

**vernburn:** yeah adn its phshucally painful

**wonwon’t:** /screaming internally/

**songkwan:** yeah im leavign now jisoo jst pulled up

**songkwan:**

**songkwan:** w a vvv pretty man

**songkwan:** holy sshit

**mingcute:** pics or it djdnt happen

**scoopydoo:** MINGYU U LIL SHIT

**scoopydoo:** I KNE WYOU WERE STILL THEREE

**mingcute:** hahaa gtg my friends r waiting

**scoopydoo:** WERE YOHR FRIENDS WTF

**scoopydoo:** MINGYU

**wonwon’t:** i can literally hear him cackling across space and time

**vernburn:** i cn hear him cscjling from acrosss htehall

**wonwon’t:** do you type with your toes or

**songkwan:** um

**songkwan:** guys

**songkwan:** rememmber how cheol hyung went gay da other day

**songkwan:** hte guy had pinnk hair rt

**scoopydoo:** yes n it was long n beuatiful n looked as soft as a cloud

**mingyu:** cnt talk im w my squad but ya he lookd like an anime character

**scoopydoo:** “squad” is dat what kids call laptops these days

**mingcute:** fu dad im busy gettign turnt

**vernburn:** i cn hear u watchj g stranger thingsd hyung ur not fooling anyoen

**songkwan:** ok dats wat i thot

**songkwan:** so ya hyung his name is jeonghan n u rite his hahr is goergous

**scoopydoo:** wait wat

**songkwan:** im in the car w him

**songkwan:** jisoo invjted him to karaoke

**mingcute:** omg

**scoopydoo:** r u seriosu

**songkwan:** as an adele album

**scoopydoo:** GIMME DEETS

**songkwan:** hes sassy af

**songkwan:** but visual game is stro nggg

**songkwan:** googljng how ti avert my eyes frm the sun

**mingcute:** cheol hyung has competitjitn

**vernburn:** ok this kid is srsly messing w my hankwan bromancce

**songkwan:** aw r u jealous

**vernburn:** well ya wht if u start singign to him in the librayry then people will fthink im being cheated on

**mingcute:** then ull have to receal the top secret fact tht u arent actualliy dating

**vernburn:** exaclry

**scoopydoo:** meanwhile my life is flajsing befkre my eyes

**scoopydoo:** u hav to get his numbber kwan or talk me yp or SOMETHIGN

**wonwon’t:** he seriously will not shut up about this

**wonwon’t:** please give him some hope to cling to before i murder him

**scoopydoo:** HUSH or forffeit ur chicken

**wonwon’t:** you already ordered the chicken hyung

**scoopydoo:** i can cancell the order

**wonwon’t:** no you can’t because the delivery guy is already on his way and you are biologically incapable of telling people no

**scoopydoo:**

**scoopydoo:** dammit

**songkwan:** woowoo rlly layin on da savage here

**wonwon’t:** i still dont consent to this nickname

**songkwan:** eat ur chikcen woowoo

**songkwan:** n ill see wht i can do hyung

**songkwan:** but i gtg now bc hes telling me abt why he was banned frm every noodle restaurnat in seoul n its the best story ever told

**wonwon't:** isnt the greatest story ever told about jesus

**songkwan:** not anymorre

 

**Private Chat: djihoon**

**soonyum:** hows karaoke nite

**djihoon:** well nobodys here yet so its basically me sitting at the bar eating wings

**soonyum:** ohh

**soonyum:** well thats not so bad

**djihoon:** the bartender is looking at me like i’m a lonely divorcee waiting for love though

**soonyum:** lol dat shokld be ur next play

**soonyum:** n the lead can sing all by myself while sittjng on a gold piano

**djihoon:** but seungkwan always plays the lead

**djihoon:** and he’d enjoy it too much

**soonyum:** dats why u should plau the lead

**djihoon:** lol

**djihoon:** a) i am not on celine dions level and b) theres a reason i’m not in acting classes

**soonyum:** yeah i knwo

**soonyum:** i cn dream tho

**soonyum:** um btw

**soonyum:** sorry about last tiem

**soonyum:** when i sang to u in hte bar

**djihoon:** lol its fine

**djihoon:** it was pretty funny actually

**djihoon:** everyone totally thought you were in love with me

**djihoon:** one girl told me she’d never seen such a cute couple haha

**soonyum:** haha

**soonyum:** yeah i cant believe they all fell for it

**djihoon:** ok well jisoo and seungkwan are here with some model so i’ll talk to you later

**soonyum:** yeah sure

**soonyum:** have fun

 

**Group Chat: dirty dirty jam jam**

**jawrassic:** so hyung came in to the bookshop dis mornign n asked me where hte pop tarts are

**junhuibug:** no i didnt

**haody:** /hYUNG NO/

**jawrassic:** will u never learn

**junhuibug:** ugh whhy do i awlways let dis happen

**jawrassic:** bc ur ma bitch obv

**jawrassic:** but i wont make fun of u dis time bc im genuinley concerndd

**jawrassic:** y is hyung buyibg pop tarts

**haody:** it used to be his fwcorite food group

**jawrassic:** yeah but then finals week of 2016 happendd n he hasnt gone near one since

**junhuibug:** yeah i rememeber dat

**junhuibug:** dark tiems

**haody:** last time he saw someone eatign a pop tart in the library n he had some kind of war flashbacj

**jawrassic:** which means dis must b seriuos

**haody:** ok i have a class w him later so i’ll put my feelers out theere n see whats bothering him

**junhuibug:** ew dont say feelers ur not an octopus

**jawrassic:** agreed it spunds like somethign out of tentacle pornn

**haody:**...feeelerrrrrssss

**junhuibug:** dis is y u dont get laid

**haody:** no i dint get laid bc whenever i brign someoen home u tape a dildo to my door n tape a note to it dat says “use the other knob”

**junhuibug:** thats not truee

**junhuibug:** sometjmes i use super glue

**junhuibug:** well actaully just the one tiem

**haody:** yeah bc now it /wont come off/

**junhuibug:** yeah i knw its so conveneint now

**haody:**

**haody:** one day me and my feelers r gonna strangele u in ur sleep

**junhuibug:** kinky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is @donghaemorelikedongbae. I post kpop trash, overshare about my feelings for Kim Taehyung, and on Thursdays I juggle.


End file.
